blaackcaat

psst. you there. returnofnoor.tumblr.com

Tue, 07 Aug 2012 13:54:10 -0400

psst.

you there.

returnofnoor.tumblr.com

to be honest, I have no idea how long I’ll keep this thing running. I’ll probably just...

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 04:00:00 -0500

to be honest, I have no idea how long I’ll keep this thing running. I’ll probably just abandon it. I’ll see.

A confession: I’ve been agnostic for years now, but I’m starting to think there really is no god. Along with that, I still like the idea of heaven, and kinda hope it or something like it exists. Fucked up? Yeah, sure. Everything’s fucked up. I can’t think of the future at this point without getting really frightened.

I’m afraid of everything these days. Just thinking. I’m afraid of the fucking dark and being alone. I can’t remember a time when this has happened before the end of Feb./beginning of March and that Sunday I want to erase from my memory.

I want to wake up with hope and have the feeling that everything will be alright more often.

Today would have been his 21st birthday.

I feel really lonely. Fuck.

Sun, 04 Mar 2012 02:49:15 -0500

I feel really lonely.

Fuck.

you silly boy. You handsome angel.

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 04:41:22 -0500

you silly boy. You handsome angel.

those last lines in particular. I thought of them today.

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 00:00:22 -0500

those last lines in particular. I thought of them today.

these days I’m spacing out every few minutes and my stomach keeps getting upset. But I’m...

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 23:30:47 -0500

these days I’m spacing out every few minutes and my stomach keeps getting upset. But I’m fine. I’ll be fine.

my anxiety is up and I’m confused. The funeral is tomorrow. I need to breathe.

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 23:22:35 -0500

my anxiety is up and I’m confused. The funeral is tomorrow. I need to breathe.

you-dont-compare: Snoopy is on point.

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 23:20:54 -0500

you-dont-compare:

Snoopy is on point.

of course, there’s this one too.

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 19:06:00 -0500

of course, there’s this one too.

I blasted this for you. Could you hear it?

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 18:32:35 -0500

I blasted this for you. Could you hear it?

if he appears in another dream, it’ll probably make me...

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 01:43:01 -0500

if he appears in another dream, it’ll probably make me sad, but…it would be better than the usual stupid dreams I’ve been having.

I hate this so much. I keep going through different thoughts and feelings, wanting to die one...

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 00:51:13 -0500

I hate this so much.

I keep going through different thoughts and feelings, wanting to die one moment, and then wanting to live my life to the fullest the next, and it keeps switching over and over in my head.

Right now all I know is that I hate my life, and I really need it to change. I’ve known this. If it doesn’t, it’ll probably just drive me insane. This ridiculous incident had driven me deeper into depression, and I’m sick of it. So sick of it. I wish it would leave. Just vanish already so I can properly start a life.

lit candle + listening to Nick Cave + vodka fuck it.

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 15:02:29 -0500

lit candle + listening to Nick Cave + vodka

fuck it.

it breaks my heart to know I lost a shoegazer friend, one of the...

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 14:14:00 -0500

it breaks my heart to know I lost a shoegazer friend, one of the only people I knew that understood this music as much as I did.

Video

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 13:43:47 -0500

I hope Rowland’s there too. (Yes, I know how pathetic I am...

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 13:11:00 -0500

I hope Rowland’s there too.

(Yes, I know how pathetic I am now..)

trying not to cry, heh.

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 12:53:19 -0500

trying not to cry, heh.

trying to turn some darkness into light. Unfortunate how I...

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 12:50:00 -0500

trying to turn some darkness into light.

Unfortunate how I can’t really find a decent enough version of this without it being New Order, but whatever.

Hope he’s chillin’ with Ian now.

Photo

Sun, 26 Feb 2012 17:48:14 -0500

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Sun, 26 Feb 2012 17:47:52 -0500

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

- Ferris Bueller